Type and Sexuality

Is there any point to exploring the relationship between psychological type and sexuality? Yes.

As Paul James mentions in his long INTP profile, "sexuality is the one thing whose natural power can break through any type dynamics." Sexuality provides individuals with both extraverted goals and introverted opportunities for development. Hence, issues around sexuality can often be a cause the feeling of "being stuck in life" that Lenore describes.

What exactly is the relationship between sexuality and type?

Hypothesis: Extraverted Sensation

Sexuality is contained by extraverted sensation and possibly introverted feeling, because sexuality is sensual and emotional. This hypothesis fits with MBTI because some type profiles describe SFPs as very sexual.

A possible problem with this hypothesis:

People can have highly developed Se, but still be sexually repressed. Likewise, you can find INJs who are very sexual. Are these somehow exceptions, or the consequence of other variables? Or is there more to sexuality than Se?

A more refined hypothesis

Some aspects of sexuality are contained by extraverted sensation and introverted feeling, but sexuality behaves like another function attitude. This extra function is related to Se only to the extent that they are both sensual. Hence, we can talk about "developing one's sexuality" like we talk about developing a function attitude.

In short, sexuality somehow overlaps with Se and Fi. (and maybe Ti, as Lenore defines it???)

Some relationship between sexuality and Se/Fi makes sense considering that many restrictions on sexuality have come from a J standpoint. The idea that virginity is a type of purity seems like an example of tertiary or inferior introverted feeling. Marriage is an extreme Judging institution. Concern with the "stability of marriage" represents Si. Dating is a complex system of extraverted feeling. Seduction, in contrast, is a very Perceiving approach to sexuality because it goes around social rules, and even exploits those rules. (refinement - Seduction is more specifically a very Ti approach to sexuality - Fi impels s to express themselves rather than use tactics which they don't see has reflecting their personal values but may have a higher success rate. "Success" is a functional, not a value judgement, placing it more in line with Ti than Fi.) Polyamory is also an extreme Ji approach to relationships (and it is definitely distrusted from the standpoint of Je).

Yet within the basic idea that sexuality has something to do with Se, there are ways to approach sexuality from each of the function attitudes.

Attitudes toward sex (a completely different hypothesis)

Hypothesis: From the Lenore standpoint, sex is not the province of any one function attitude, but rather different attitudes create different mental representations of sex. These different ways of understanding what sex is and what it means lead to conflicting approaches to sex, which each person has to sort out in his own way:

Te: What do the recognized authorities say about sex? They'll know a lot more than you can possibly figure out by experimenting in bed. To have great sex, you should read a book to learn how to do it right. Sex is part of our marriage contract, so you're going to have sex whether you like it or not.

Ti: How does sex work? How do you get into the groove? How can I push sex to its very limits? Experiment and learn. Keep trying variations to see what happens. Yeah, like that.

Fe: What does sex say about how we feel about each other? If we have sex, what obligations does that create between us? Sex is not merely between two people. Anything that involves that much passion concerns the entire community. How will our having sex affect other people, and what will they have to say about it?

Fi: We all have a need for sex, and each person's needs and preferences are unique. Whether you're gay or straight, or like it rough or gentle, you have every right to seek it your way, as long as it's with a consenting partner. (See Dan Savage for an INFP take on sex.)

Se: Don't think when you're having sex, just do it! If you see a hot chick walking down the street, whistle! The only way you're going to get somewhere with her is by getting her attention and making yourself attractive to her. Once you've gotten her to notice you, you can just let nature take its course. Your body knows what to do, just keep your conscious mind out of its way and let it happen naturally.

Si: Make sure you're protected (mentally and physically!) when having sex. You like this way of having sex, or you dislike that way, and you'd rather do what you know you already like. Don't try too many new things, too fast, or you might have rather unsatisfying sex, or fail to please your partner, or get hurt.

Ne: If you really want to have great sex, then learn about entomology. The female praying mantis devours the male after sex, and uses his very protoplasm as food for the offspring. Blows your mind, doesn't it?

Ni: What is sex, really? Just two bodies rubbing together. All that we make of sex, we make in our imaginations. There is no one, true meaning of sex. Each person gives it his or her own meaning. To have great sex, don't look to the physical reality of it, look to what you can create in your and your partner's imaginations. Sexual excitement doesn't come from the act or even from your partner, it comes from what you bring to it from your mind.

Explaining those a bit

It might help to spell out explicitly how those illustrate each function attitude in general:

Te: Orienting by predictability, especially through what has already been proven or agreed to, and can be carried out in a step-by-step way that is defined in advance of the act and that both parties understand; tying into the social network to get second-hand knowledge (verbal/procedural, not experiential).

Ti: Orienting by first-hand, experiential understanding; exploring the causal connections through experiment, learning to "see" the whole space through direct interaction.

Fe: Orienting by how sex defines a relationship in socially recognizable terms, analyzing in terms of what the stakes are in terms of social connection and obligation: "What ties will this create or destroy, and do I want that?"

Fi: Orienting by each individual's unique nature and desires, insisting that everything else (like social agreement about rights) should be adapted to let the individual's calling be fulfilled, whatever it is.

Se: Orienting by appearance and its immediate effects on people when they don't reflect on what they're doing or second-guess themselves; trusting your body and the world and just letting it happen.

Si: Orienting by what is known and matters to you personally in any context (in this case, your health and your pleasure and your bond (if any) with your partner); setting up a barrier to prevent the unknown from endangering that.

Ne: Orienting by thinking "outside the box" about sex, looking for insight from something seemingly unrelated, going off on the exploration and never returning home (being tied to no predetermined destination).

Ni: Refusing to orient by reference points found in external reality: rejecting both the body and culture as meaningful reference points for understanding sex.